Look For Me

When the threads are showing, when the wear is apparent...

Look for me.

When you haven't dreamed in hope and hoped in dreams for some time...

Look for me.

When your shadow is a conversational friend,

Look for me. 

When you have pursued all avenues of change, only to go hungry again...

Look for me. 

When the children you parent end up looking like you in ways that you can't stomach...

Look for me. 

I am in the midst of it all.

The sun striking your skin as you leave the treatment center - I am there.

The tears of labor leading to the tears of burial - I am there.

From the "I do" to the "I won't," - I am there.

Silently. Quietly. Peacefully.

I am the one who woos you, who waits for you to look before pressing my hand to your back. I am the one who waits patiently until the lessons come full circle and that self-reliance fails to stand in the midst of the tidal waves. I am there.

I also stand beside you, shoulder to shoulder, feeling your depression,

...your cancer.

...your betrayal.

...your loss of familiar friends.

...your grief.

...your apathy and ambivalence.

...your confusion.

...your weariness, sticking like white hot needles in your bones.

I. Am. There. 

I am not a God who fails to feel, I am passable - the God of both resurrection AND crucifixion, the spirit of wisdom in the middle of chaos and noise. I feel with you, but I know beyond you...

So I am there. Look for me. Don't expect an answer, but expect presence. The answer is what you want, but my presence is what you NEED.

When you can sit with me, break bread with me, and need nothing more than to be with me, you'll find something. You'll find a gift that only few find.

A pearl of great price.

A jewel-crusted gate.

A long lost son welcomed home.

A clean set of feet in a world that is unwilling to look you in the eyes.

A body and blood that roots you without solving all of your lifelong dilemmas.

A story of healing when the tale of pain is all that you know to tell.

You will find me there, if you look for me. And as you look for me, you will find yourself as well.